๐Ÿ˜ญ BREAKING
BREAKING: France squad officially files for divorce from head coach after disagreement over lunch menu • UPDATE: USA player calls soccer "soccer" in front of local fans, immediately banned from host cities • NEWS: Italy national team departs airport in customized silk suits, having spent more time in makeup than on pitch • EXPERT ADVICE: Belgium squad advised to schedule afternoon naps during matches to avoid mid-game fatigue • TACTICS: Spain complete 12,400 passes against a fire hydrant during practice; hydrant wins 1-0 • HEALTH: Neymar Jr. rolled into neighboring timezone; local authorities checking passport • SCOOP: German Football Federation files 900-page lawsuit against the concept of spontaneity • RUMOR: England fans start "It's Coming Home" chant in airport security, immediately selected for random search • EXCLUSIVE: Tears measured in Olympic swimming pools for the first time •
โšฝ WORLD CUP 2026 โšฝ

CRYBABY
RAINFACE .COM

The world's most authoritative tracker of footballing failure, tears, and magnificent disasters.
Underperforming superstars, cold croissants, and spreadsheets of despair. Everyone's still crying.

847,291
Tears Shed (est.)
18,409m
Neymar Rolling Distance
3,412
Excuses Generated
๐Ÿ˜ญ Start Crying Now ๐Ÿ˜ญ Shame Watch
scroll for tears
โ†“
LIVE DATA

๐Ÿ˜ญ The Official Tears Indexโ„ข

Real-time analysis of national suffering. Measured in Olympic swimming pools of tears.

๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ

USA

EXPECTATION CRASH
๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ข 88/100
"We dominated the expected commercial revenue."
Official CryBaby Analysisโ„ข: The US Soccer team successfully optimized sponsor visibility. Unfortunately, the game of soccer involves a ball, which they repeatedly gave to the opponent. High brand synergy, zero athletic output.
๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ท

Brazil

SAMBA SADNESS
๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ข 82/100
"Even our tears have flair."
Official CryBaby Analysisโ„ข: 10/10 for choreography, 2/10 for defense. They danced after a training ground penalty, then wept in a circle when the opponent crossed the halfway line.
๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ท

France

MON DIEU MODE
๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜ 78/100
"We were robbed. Naturellement."
Official CryBaby Analysisโ„ข: An exquisite display of internal warfare. French players successfully mutinied on the team bus, ensuring they spent more time arguing over croissants than practicing set pieces.
๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ช

Belgium

GOLDEN RETIREMENT
๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜ 75/100
"Our golden era is still coming. Just wait."
Official CryBaby Analysisโ„ข: Belgiumโ€™s Golden Generation has entered its fifth consecutive decade of being 'about to peak'. The central defense has a combined age of 84 and is sponsored by joint-pain supplements.
๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ธ

Spain

TIKI-BAWL-A
๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ 65/100
"We passed beautifully... into oblivion."
Official CryBaby Analysisโ„ข: Spain set a new record by completing 1,200 sideways passes, 800 backwards passes, and zero forward shots. They are currently passing the salt around the hotel dining table.
๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ท

Argentina

MESSI WHO?
๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ 45/100
"Who saw this coming? (Everyone.)"
Official CryBaby Analysisโ„ข: Tried to play the Messi era without Messi in his prime. The result was a nostalgic tragedy that was deeply felt and heavily analyzed by local talk shows.
๐ŸŒ GLOBAL OBSERVATORY

๐Ÿšจ Global Meltdown Watchโ„ข

A solemn, ongoing vigil for the footballing giants perpetually on the cusp of disaster.

Sorrow Model
Used as our universal sadness model because his crying technique is statistically perfect.
1966 LAST TIME THEY WON ANYTHING
2026
Penalties. Again. "We've been working on this in training," said the manager. They had not.
๐Ÿ˜ญ
2022
France. Quarter finals. A heartbreaking defeat that surprised absolutely no one.
๐Ÿ˜ข
EURO 2021
Final. Penalties. Made it to the final. Watched three players miss. Blamed the pizza.
๐Ÿ•
1966
Won the World Cup. At home. In England. Still talking about it. Always talking about it.
๐Ÿ†
"I genuinely believe this team can do it." โ€” Every England fan, every single tournament, forever
GLOBAL TEARS DATA

๐Ÿ—บ๏ธ The Rainface Mapโ„ข

Tracking the literal and figurative weeping across 32 nations. Hover over regions to reveal their shame.

World Rainface Map - Global Tears Tracker
๐Ÿด๓ ง๓ ข๓ ฅ๓ ฎ๓ ง๓ ฟ England
Tears Level: CATASTROPHIC
"It's not coming home."
๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช Germany
Tears Level: TEUTONIC
"We must analyse ze data."
๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ท Brazil
Tears Level: SAMBA
"Seven. One. Never forget."
๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ท Argentina
Tears Level: POST-GLORY
"The king is dead."
๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ท France
Tears Level: MON DIEU
"C'est la vie... non."

Tears Severity Legend

CATASTROPHIC (England, Germany)
HIGH (Brazil, France)
MEDIUM (Spain, Portugal)
LOW (Everyone else)
HALLOWED GROUND

๐Ÿ† The Hall of Shameโ„ข

Celebrating the most spectacular, innovative, and breathtaking failures in World Cup 2026 history.

๐Ÿฅ‡ GOLDEN TEAR AWARD

Best Airport Exit

๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น Italy

Italy wins the Golden Tear Award for their stunning designer suit presentation at Rome airport, despite having played exactly zero minutes of football. The tailoring was impeccable. The squad's transition from the luggage belt to the private taxi queue was highly coordinated.

"We looked fantastic. In football, that is 90% of the job."
๐Ÿฅˆ SILVER SNOT AWARD

Best Tactical Disaster

๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช Germany

Germany's 4-2-3-1 that became a 0-1-9 within 40 minutes earns this year's Silver Snot Award for tactical excellence in the field of strategic disintegration. The substitutions were... bold choices.

"Ze plan was to control ze game. Ze plan changed rapidly."
๐Ÿฅ‰ BRONZE BLUBBER AWARD

Best Post-Match Interview

๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ท Brazil

For a truly outstanding performance of saying absolutely nothing for 12 minutes while technically answering questions, Brazil's coaching staff earns the Bronze Blubber for post-match media excellence.

"Football is a game of two halves, and sometimes the other half is better than your half."
๐ŸŽ–๏ธ SPECIAL RECOGNITION

Lifetime Achievement in Aging

๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ช Belgium

For sustaining their 'Golden Generation' status through multiple decades, economic crises, and tectonic shifts, Belgium wins the Lifetime Achievement Award. Some players are reportedly now eligible for state pension benefits while still being selected for the squad.

"We are just five years away from our prime. Just wait for our knees to heal."
EXPERT ANALYSIS

๐Ÿ“‹ Tactical Disaster Breakdownsโ„ข

Our panel of "experts" analyse the beautiful game's most catastrophic decisions with the gravity they deserve.

๐Ÿด๓ ง๓ ข๓ ฅ๓ ฎ๓ ง๓ ฟ

England's "The Plan"

CRITICAL ANALYSIS

In what football historians will call "The Plan," England deployed a revolutionary 4-4-2 formation that was abandoned at minute 23, replaced by a 4-3-3 that became a 4-5-1 after the first goal conceded, which in turn became a desperate 3-4-3 in the 87th minute.

GK ๐Ÿ˜ฐ
RB ๐Ÿคฆ
CB ๐Ÿ˜ค
CB ๐Ÿคฌ
LB ๐Ÿƒ
CM ๐Ÿ˜ต
CM ๐Ÿ˜ญ
CM ๐Ÿคท
ST ๐Ÿ™ˆ
ST ๐Ÿ˜ฑ
??? ๐Ÿณ๏ธ
Verdict: A formation so fluid it was essentially water. We give it 2/10 for ambition, 0/10 for execution.
๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช

Germany's "Ze System"

EFFICIENCY REPORT

Germany's coaching staff entered the tournament with 847 pages of tactical documentation, three separate analytical models, and a Bundesliga-tested pressing system that worked perfectly in every simulation. Real opponents, it emerged, had not read the documentation.

847
Pages of tactics
0
Goals from corners
23
Set pieces rehearsed
0
Set pieces scored
Verdict: Beautifully prepared. Exquisitely executed. Completely unsuccessful. 10/10 for effort, 2/10 for results.
๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ

USA's "Domain Expansion"

REVENUE OPTIMIZATION

The US Soccer coaching staff successfully optimized the team's space on the field, ensuring that sponsor banners were visible in 98% of camera angles. Unfortunately, this left significant gaps in the actual defensive half, permitting opposing forwards to run in straight lines directly towards the goal.

2.4B
Sponsor Impressions
4
Goals Conceded
420
Soccer Explanations
2
Successful Tackles
Verdict: Outstanding marketing execution. Sub-optimal athletic performance. 10/10 for brand synergy, 1/10 for football.
AI-POWERED

๐Ÿค– The Official Excuse Generatorโ„ข

Need to explain a catastrophic defeat? We've got you covered. Scientifically calibrated excuses for every occasion.

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Click the button above to generate your official post-match excuse.
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โ€” Press F to pay respects